KillerBeerFest this Saturday! (But First, a Word About its Organizer)

Let me tell you guys a little something about Angelo De Ieso, the man, the legend, the founder of Portland’s best beer news website, Brewpublic.

As far as anyone can tell, he doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat. And if he isn’t dancing on a bar somewhere, screaming at the top of his lungs every variation of expletive, there’s only one other place he could be: out on the front lines, blogging the living hell out of the Portland beer scene.

He is truly unstoppable, indefatigable, and driven by what some call passion and others dub madness. Lesser men would let a little thing like alcohol poisoning get in the way of reporting the latest and greatest beer gossip. Not this guy. Clad in the traditional vestments of the Boston sports fanatic, Angelo’s body is like a combustion engine running on pints of hoppy malt beverages, fueling his insane fervor and animating his limbs to drink more beer, take more notes, snap more photographs and stare down anyone in his way with eyes as black and deep as the pits of Tartarus.

If that sounds slightly nefarious and more than a little sinister, then let me be absolutely clear on one point. We are not outright stating Angelo is a Satan worshipping Anti-Christ, but suffice it to say that whenever he pops a bottle cap, a demon gets its pitchfork.

And this is the guy that’s running the KillerBeerFest at Bailey’s Taproom this Saturday, October 23rd.

His endgame is to soil the jeans of every beer geek in Portland in order to fund his illicit string of laundromats, dry cleaners, and personal, patented brand of detergents. One glance at the beer list for this event, even at a stray angle from your peripheral vision, and you will most likely leave a mess in your seat and possibly all over your monitor. Before you click this link to the FULL DRAFT LIST, I feel it is my duty to warn you that this is strictly NSFW or any public area such as a favorite cafe, city park, or any respectable club where the floors are waxed daily and the servers all wear bow ties (even the women!). View this only in the comfort of your own home with the door closed and locked and everyone you care about barricaded in a cellar at least five hundred feet away.

Okay, done reading? Finished cleaning up? Burned your soiled undergarments yet? Attaboy, don’t let Angelo anywhere near ’em.

If your eyes didn’t cross while perusing that list, you might have noticed that there are more beers mentioned than we have taps. This is of no concern to Angelo, whose Sith powers are great enough to overwhelm even the most fundamental laws of mathematics. All twenty-two beers will be pouring that day and by the end of the day the tenets of trigonometry and most of calculus will probably be headed for the rumor bin too.

We hope you’ll join us for the KillerBeerFest and consider attending Angelo’s four other hedonistic events all celebrating the second anniversary of the Brewpublic website and the sign of the Chupacabra. Apparently, the fine folks over at Saraveza, Hop and Vine, BeerMongers, and By the Bottle all made deals with the devil, too (and all we got was this lousy t-shirt!).

Check back here later in the week for a helpful FAQ that will help prepare you for the festival with full details (and 40% less half-baked hyperbole!) and ensure that everyone gets the fastest service possible. In the meantime, visit brewpublic.com or stop reading beer websites and get back to work!

4 responses

  1. I find it very peculiar that the article ID of this blog post happens to be 666. Take a look. See you all on Saturday!

  2. I don’t know how I missed this when it was current, but wonderful post Michael. You exquisite prose has indeed illuminated some of the astonishing inner workings of the man, the myth, the legend, dear Angelo.

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