I’m curled up in a fetal position crying uncontrollably right now, because I haven’t had a full pint of beer in over a week. Gaaah!!! It’s been awful. You see, I’ve been a little under the weather, never really sick, mind you, but just feeling like on the brink of it, teetering on the edge of sickliness. My girlfriend managed to get a cold in August (somehow) and I’ve been doing everything I can to keep well. Popping Vitamin C tablets, consuming mass quantities of zinc, and getting ten hours of sleep every night isn’t so bad, but giving up my favorite beverage? Torture.
I’ll admit that there’s been a little cheating along the way. A sip here, a 10 oz there (I couldn’t miss out on last week’s cask porter, after all!), but no full pints and no beer that isn’t being diluted by a glass of water twice its size to accompany its descent down my throat.
This beer deficit to my system may be great for my liver and my chances for staying healthy, but it’s killing my morale! And it also means that my Herculean feat last Monday of catching up on all the beers at Bailey’s has been invalidated by the fact that there are a number of new beers on that I haven’t been able to try yet. Let’s go through the list: the Roots Gruit Kolsch (what the hell is a Gruit?), the Lucky Lab Super Dog and Speakeasy Double Daddy (both of which, to be fair, I’ve had plenty of before), the Lompoc Extra Special Pale (is that a combination of an ESB and a Pale Ale?), the Weed Amber (this one LOOKS delicious with its deep crimson hue) and the Hair of the Dog Ruth (which is one of those beers I wished would never blow the last time we had it on).
And on top of all that, I hear that we’re putting on Beer Valley’s Leafer Madness this Thursday on cask! Cask! An Imperial IPA on Cask is like an Imperial Stout on Nitro. It just cannot be missed.
So I’m asking for your help, loyal beer fans. Please drink these beers for me. Let me drink vicariously through you. And please pray to whatever god, gods, or extraterrestrial overlords you believe in that I’m back to 100% soon.