KillerBeerFest (Frequently Asked Questions)

You’ve got questions about this Saturday’s KillerBeerFest and we’ve got answers. Let’s get to it, shall we?

1. How are you guys running this thing?

It’s going to be a hybrid of our normal operating procedure and our other festivals. There will be NO souvenir glass, tickets, or entrance fee, but we will be CASH ONLY and it would be a huge help if everyone can order the beer they want by number and size to expedite service. Pretend you’re at McDonald’s if that helps. “A large number 2, please.”

2. What are the hours?

Our normal hours. Four o’clock to midnight.

3. How much will it cost?

As little or as much as you want. Since there’s no entrance fee, you only pay for what you drink. The kegs for this event are a little more expensive than normal and it’s faster to work in whole dollar amounts, so we’ll be rounding our normal bargain prices up to the nearest dollar ($4.50 to $5.00, $2.50 to $3.00, $1.50 to $2.00 for large 20 oz, medium 10 oz, and small 5 oz respectively). There will also be one beer  (Cascade’s sour blueberry wheat) that will only be available in the snifter and 5 oz sizes at a slightly higher price ($6 for a 12 oz, $3 for a 5 oz).

4. I don’t have cash, can you run my credit card?

No, but there are ATMs two doors down in either direction from Bailey’s, one at Silver Dollar, one at Mary’s. And a US Bank ATM at the corner of Oak and Broadway.

5. What beers will you be tapping?

The full list is available HERE with descriptions. In summary, there are a lot of seasonal choices like fresh hop, Oktoberfest, and pumpkin beers as well as darker, stronger ales like stouts and porters, and a few Belgian choices. The plan is to tap 21 beers, which includes the Upright Four with Rose Petals on firkin. (Unfortunately, the 22nd beer, Astoria’s Blueberry Lambic, probably won’t be on tomorrow and Prodigal Son’s Veloci-Rapture, an amber rye, has replaced their Bruce Lee Porter.)

6. When should I arrive?

This is always a tricky one to answer. If the KillerBeerFest is anything like our past festivals, turnout should be pretty high, especially during the first few hours. Your strategy depends largely on the kind of beer drinker you are. If you’re a completist who plans on trying every beer available and presumably crawling home on hands and knees afterward, it probably makes sense to show up in those first few hours and brave the crowds. If, on the other hand, you value things like personal space and comfort and won’t be too disappointed if one of the beers you’re interested is gone by the time you arrive, showing up after 8 PM is probably the way to go.

7. What beer will kick first?

If past events are any indication, Cascade’s special blend will probably be the first to go. These guys have won the hearts of the Portland beer scene (and it doesn’t hurt that their 1/6th barrel kegs are usually the smallest kegs we have on). Other beers to watch out for are the Lompoc (which is also a 1/6th barrel) and the Block 15 and Mt. Tabor, which are both 1/4s. Most of the rest should be full sized kegs and last most of the night.

8. Can I get a sampler tray?

Nope. No sample trays.

9. Okay, then can I order five small tasters (and since I can’t carry them all at once, could you give me something like a tray with taster-sized holes to transport it)?

Nice try, smart guy. But the previous answer stands. We’ll pour a maximum of 2 sample tasters per person per line visit.

10. How about a growler fill?

No growler fills today. Sorry. But I will growl at you if that helps.

11. What’s the best beer on tap? Can you choose for me?

You will know as much about these beers as us when you walk in on Saturday. We haven’t had them yet and in order for us to try them all beforehand, we’d have to spend all Saturday morning drinking, which sounds great to me personally. But Geoff wants to open the doors at 4 and let you guys come in to drink and he can’t do that if his bartenders are sauced out of their minds and all his kegs are empty. So that you’re not completely in the dark, the menu will feature a brief description of each beer.

12. Hey, bartender! Can I get a little service over here?!

Hey, you see these forty people in front of you?

If you’re sitting at the bar, we’ll do our best to cover you. If you’re not, please get in line with everyone else at the register, because that’s where we’re going to be focused on serving first.

13. I’ve just consumed 22 beers without eating anything or drinking any water. May I please vomit all over your bathroom and then pass out face first in the toilet?

NOOOOOO!!!! Kindly refrain from being an idiot by taking frequent water and food breaks. You can come and go as you please, and you can take your time drinking these beers. Unless you show up at 11 o’clock, you’ve got a good shot at trying at least most of the beers that you’re interested in.

Alright, folks. I think that about wraps it up. If you have any other questions that weren’t answered here, they were probably silly anyway, and you should probably just not verbalize them so you don’t embarrass yourself too much. We’ll see you all tomorrow!

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